work!

Well, I got a promotion at work, i am now called a team leader. woo hoo for me!!

Met this cool dude at a halo party, it was super fun!

anyway, looking back at my last post, i had it easy! i know work almost full time ( which really is nothing to complain about)
11-7:54 everyday but sat/sunday.
also i work in the office now, next session though i won't have so many hours, it's be hard too keep up in the money department.

Loves to yous all!

Loving James Blunt's CD Back to bedlam.

waiting... daily

I wake up the instant before my alarm goes off, with only 6 hours of sleep I feel surprisingly awake.
The sensation last for only a moment when I notice it is still dark outside.
I sit on my bed for a minuet as images of last night’s dreams filter through my scattered mind. Finally I reach over and turn off the swelling strains of Bach.

Today I am happy, today I get a ride to work.
I leave an hour early, my mom is MOD today.
When I get to work, i waste my time in the change room.
When I get on deck I begin the three longest most boring hours of my day, nothing exciting happens, I try my best to stay awake, my best to appear alert.
I take my time walking around the pool deck and stop at each post for exactly five minutes, slowly ticking off my daily torture. It is hot and humid, I use my water bottle to splash water on myself trying to cool down. I wear a fake smile, showing the world how much I love to guard, at least when I teach the time seems to fly by…
Lord please make the time go faster…” I offer a pleading prayer.
Three and a half hours later, I am free to go, to go home for three hours and await my return to my second job, to teach.
I run up the stairs to the change room, I spend exactly five minuets in the hot tub, and am quickly dressed, I order my lunch and wait for my mother to finish her class, so I can go home and wait some more…

Sadness

how much sadness can a single being hold?
how much sadness before they break?
before thier heart lies dead and cold?

lonliness is my sanctuary
my hiding place
i will not let you in
i fear the pain you may cause

my pathetic heart can take no more
i've built a wall and i will not let you in
I'm nursing my already open sore

lonliness is my prison
my self constructed jail
I cannot let you in
I feal the pain you have caused

and when i let myself cry
the pain was just too much
i willed my heart and eyes to be dry

lonliness is my sanctuary
it keeps my heart afloat
I cannot let you in
I will not feel the pain

i thought you were my friend
but my heart will continue breaking
untill my bitter end

Lonliness is killing me
my secret demise
I will not let you in
you cannot break me again

you left me over somthing stupid
you ruined that which I held most dear



i've run out of rhyims to express my hidden pain
and so i will just continue on
slowly killing myself
I will never let another in becuase of you
no one will ever be as close as i let you be
and this desicsion is what is killing me

i cannot help myself
you were my strength, my safty net
you stood when i could not
you voiced what i could not say

and we on our own will never be what we were together.


okay so that was a little depressing but it got it out
man i am soooooo lonely here at home, the only people i can talk to is you peeps on facebook and blogger, no actual contact with humans is killing me
but it is my own fault, i mean if i liked going out more maybe i woudln't be sooooooo lonly.
right?



Liars and fools; sons and failuresThieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderersHealers always say
Whores and angels; men with problemsLeavers always say
Broken hearted; separatedOrphans always say
War creators; racial hatersPreachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriorsGivers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widowsUsers always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubtersSaviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgiveAnd these days,
mercy cuts so deepIf the world was how it should be,
maybe I could get some sleepWhile I lay,
I dream we're better,Scales were gone and faces lightWhen we wake,
we hate our brotherWe still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip,
I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat
all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children
this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers -
this is our greatest offense
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God


"Oh my God" jars of clay

sad news

I'm not sure if you remember or if you ever knew, but there were these twins at my church just about a year old, well when i went away to Montana their mom left their dad and now he only get one kid every other weekend. anyway Hilary remebers me just fine she so sweet, but elijah the one i really liked came to church today and he wouldn't even let me look at him! he used to sleep in my arms! i cried and cried in the bathroom at church it broke my heart. and it will remain in my mind for a very long time

woah I am soo far behind in my posts!
well worked one week of day camps, it's nowhere near as bad as spring break camps. anyway, met up with Morgan from JLC she's started working at the Y, so excited!!!!!
and i guess you've probably heard about Sophia Right?the ring and all? well we are not too impressed with her. we said she had to appologize to dad about saying he was abusive, thats all, and then we would give our consent for her to be married. well she openly defied us and got engaged anyway. said she had nothing to apologize about, excuse me but when you lie about someone behind thier back and they find out you should apologize! so upset about that right now.
anyway BTYL bye Peeps

Hey Face book is not working for me

I feel so bumbed out face book is not working for me, so i'm not ignoring you I just can't access facebook. Love you all!

hey every one! I've been gone, well, sort of.
I am teaching drama camp this summer any Ideas??? i could really use them!
thx
luv so much
thea

woot!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

sweet!

You Are 80% Pure

You're so innocent, it's almost like you're not human. Taking this test is probably the naughtiest thing you've done in a while!

How Pure Are You?

!URGENT!

!URGENT!

does anyone actually see this Blog anymore?
I need to know so i can change it if it needs to be changed.
!Urgent!

a quick 'ello

'ello all, i am finally back, but only shortly. just a quick 'ello and such, check out DR. Who, if you want, it and work are what i have been up to. anyway, i have the flu, and am feeling quite...ripe. ttyl
God bless

mt art

spring is here LOL

slide for my nana and baby girl

Delirium

Delirium

My body feels too heavy,

Each limb struggles to lift its own weight,

My legs refuse to move

A dull aching pain lingers

Continuously behind each muscle

My thoughts are like those of a dreamer

Perhaps I’ll wake up

Perhaps this IS all a dream

Some strange adventure

Like those dreams

Where you can never

Open your eye’s wide enough

And all the facts get distorted

You know something

important is about to happen

and you become resigned

to the simple truth

You will feel it

You will hear it

But you will never see it.

My thoughts have rambled on

Like this all day.

My throat is so

Swollen I can’t swallow

Yet it is the only thing

That does not hurt

I can feel each breath

On the back of my throat

I can hear each intake

Of breath as it rasps by

My limbs refuse to obey

They are too tired

Too over used

Yet all I have done is sleep

My dreams are haunted

By strange visions

Of people I know

Of people I have known

Of people who are no more

Delirium

thea

I have a new room! I'm not quite finished it yet but pretty close here are some videos of it :)

P.S. my voice sounds really weird!

reviw for arena

"Strangers!

or should i be the Stranger? NVM

anyway i'm in a perky mood this evening! cant you tell!?
been sick all week, and when i wasn't sleeping i was at work, working...
yet somehow through all the busy, tieredness of my like i feel happy, could it be 'cause i just finneshed a great book? I think mabey so!

ARENA by Karen Hancock, her first book, very lovable.
kind of a narnia story."


"We intend this for your benefit..."

Those are the last words that Callie Hayes hears on Earth.

Life can be difficult sometimes. Some people go from disappointment to disappointment, never quite figuring out what it is that they need to do to live fulfilling lives. This is Callie's problem. Four years of raising rats and a lifetime of stifling her artistic impulses have rendered her a frustrated nervous wreck. She's acrophobic, lonely, and anti-social--not to the point of being unable to function, but certainly enough to be uncomfortable and shy. Her only real friend is the bubbly, vivacious Meg, who talks her into participating in a psychology experiment held at the University of Arizona.

It's at this point that things begin to go wrong. Everything's a little too perfect. Between the model-handsome lab techs and the creepy homeless guy camped out in the lobby trying to warn people away from the experiment, Callie almost backs out. But after finishing the initial profile and the physical tests, Callie finds that the choice has been taken from her. A lab tech hands her a jumpsuit, a manual, and a backpack full of confusing items, and dumps her unceremoniously into the Arena.

Yes, that's right. Callie Hayes gets abducted by aliens, and deposited on another planet. Shades of The Twilight Zone...

What is the Arena? It's another planet, one filled with dangerous creatures, carnivorous plant life, and murderous people-eating humanoid creatures called Trogs. The rules are simple; follow the white road. Use your manual and the keys provided in your backpack along the way, and you should be out of the Arena in a few hours. Stray from the road, and you're on your own. You may be able to piece together things in your pack to make a primitive rifle called a SLuB-40, and you may be able to eke out an existence shooting everything dangerous and forming mercenary bush camps but ultimately--stray from the road, and the aliens wash their hands of all responsibility towards you.

Of course, nothing is ever quite that simple, and Callie quickly finds out that the perils created in her own mind are much more dangerous than those created by the Arena.

If you've ever read any Christian allegory, you're probably pretty sure where this story is going and what it might mean on the surface. Even if you're not familiar with Christian allegory, you're not going to be too surprised. Follow the road provided by Christ, and get through life quickly, easily and comfortably. Stray from the road to do your own thing, and it sucks to be you...until, of course, you get back on the road.

But here's where Arena distinguishes itself from a lot of modern allegory, and a lot of modern "Christian" fiction. It goes deeper. Author Karen Hancock recognizes that life is not always that cut and dried. Bad things happen to people on the road, and good things happen to people off of it. Things aren't always what they seem, and sometimes people need a good long stint of time off of the road in order to make them appreciate all that comes after it. Sometimes, people just need to try and find their own way, for better or for worse. We're not all perfect Pilgrims, but we're not all evil incarnate either. Sometimes, trying to do the right thing without any understanding of what the right thing really is can do us more harm than good. Callie falls somewhere in the middle of all of that. Her initial departure from the road isn't an act of defiant will, it's an attempt at self-preservation--and once she's strayed, she can't find her way back without a lot of help from other's trapped in the Arena.

And then, the story of the Arena goes even deeper. I'm not going to give a lot away, because much of the meat of the book revolves around what the reader thinks and feels about it, and how far the reader is willing to go into the allegory. In other words, you've just got to check this out for yourself. Suffice it to say, that at it's heart and bare bones, Hancock provides us with an incredibly complex, yet easy to read, allegorical device that holds up on at least four different levels of understanding(that I can think of) and ranks up there with the likes of Pilgrim's Progress and The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Hi

Strangers!

or should i be the Stranger? NVM

anyway i'm in a perky mood this evening! cant you tell!?
been sick all week, and when i wasn't sleeping i was at work, working...
yet somehow through all the busy, tieredness of my like i feel happy, could it be 'cause i just finneshed a great book? I think mabey so!

ARENA by Karen Hancock, her first book, very lovable.
kind of a narnia story.

mia 2

MIA